I'm not even sure where to begin so I'll just jump in.
My older sister has cancer. Breast cancer. She was diagnosed less than two years ago, when she was 29 and within the first month after diagnosis she had had a mastectomy. My sister and I, while we love each other, are not close for reason I won't disclose. So it wasn't until after the mastectomy that I even heard about the cancer. That hurt me a lot. But that hurt is not what this is about.
I am a church-hopper. I always have a membership somewhere, but I really enjoy going from one to church to another once I have a home church. I recently started doing repeat visits to a church that's in my general area. I loved the atmosphere in this church, so familial and full of love and simply couldn't resist going back. The sermons stirred me, the music soothed me. I was in love with a church family.
On my first visit to this church I saw a woman. In all honestly, there was nothing outlandishly remarkable about this woman. But maybe it was because I was sitting behind her or Jesus has a special something in mind for me. I felt so drawn to speak to her. I didn't know why I had to speak to her or what I would say. Plus, what if she thought I was crazy or something? No, I couldn't risk that. So I soaked myself into the service and ducked out as quickly as I could. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I had done wrong by not saying something to her aside from "Happy Sabbath." Every time I went back I saw her and the same urge shook me, but I was afraid to be judged and labeled, so I held back and swallowed the ugly feeling of not fulfilling what I knew I should.
Don't you know, I went back (of course, I did) and I felt so pressed to speak to her I could hardly wait for church to be over to have an opportunity to speak with her. I approached her after church and literally told her that I had no idea what to say to her, but that I definitely needed to speak with her. She said she appreciated my speaking and that she was just trying to deal with having breast cancer. So I just told her that my sister also had cancer and just graduated from law school less than two years after treatments and surgery and all. I told her to be encouraged and that I didn't know when I'd see her again, but that she'd be in my prayers every day. She thanked me again, and hugged me. I wished her a good week and left.
I felt so much better and lighter. And I realized that things are always so much better when you just do what God tells you. Moses and Aaron didn't know what words to use, but they were provided for them. Who am I to question God's reasons, to be afraid when He sends me to do His bidding?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is stop being scared. God's already got you.
