Green Shirt

I saw him from the corner of my eye, body moving to the pulsing beat. I turned my head in his direction, keeping my gaze traveling while watching him the entire time. His green button down shirt blazed under his vest, while his sunglasses gleamed from the back of his head. Yes, the back of his head. Still, I was intrigued. His height and slender build fit my type, and his bright skin tone was icing on the cake. I kept my groove, exchanging comments with my girls and dancing as the rhythm moved me. As was my ritual when I was in the spot, I traveled the building, pausing in various spots to enjoy the atmosphere.

Despite my meanderings, I kept seeing him. I was unsure whether it was my group was following his, his group following mine, or simply kismet. In time the inevitable occurred, the two groups melding into one, gyrating and undulating to the throb of the music as the flashing lights made everything more mysterious and enticing. We talked (loudly), danced (mmm), laughed, wandered the city. Best of all, this man, no, these fellas were Southern gentlemen.

Where you from-What's your name- How old are you (Gotta keep an eye out for jail bait).

The classic leave behind- The hilarity of Jim Carrey- the blatant hating on celebrities and their damn cribs. Good times.

Offers for beverages (alcoholic and otherwise) and seriously JUMBO slices of pizza, toned down sexual overtures, genuinely good conversation and that almost imperceptible drawl.

Damn.
I didn't know how much I'd missed a good ol' country boy. Mmm, yes.

Shout out to the fruit of North Carolina, Western Carolina University (just heard of y'all), but definitely not them Panthers that got whooped by the Giants ;)

Kiss of Death 2 of 2

I thought they were what I was after. The words that told me I was on my way... romantically, that is. I felt so fortunate to have received them. Now I realize how not-so-fortunate I was. Alright. In recent chatter, I realized a number of ladies aren't aware of what I'm about to share, so listen up closely.
Depending on your relationship status (ranging from stranger to long-term boyfriend), the following words can mean a number of things. Luckily, I'm here to let you know when it's safe and when it's a red flag.

"You're going to be such a great wife and mother."

"I can see myself happily married to you."

My personal favorite: "I think you're the mate I've prayed for my whole life." Tch. Asshole.

Added due to popular demand: "You're wifey material."

[Insert your own hint toward the long-term here]

I know, I know. These seem to be sweet words, meant to warm you on the nights when you maybe wonder if... you know. (Admit it, you've wondered). But, take my word for it, these words could be the beginning of the downward slope. See, if you hear this from a fiance', duh, he's not only thought and said these things but put a plan into action. A boyfriend or guy you're dating might be trying to gauge your reaction in order to plan his next move. A male friend that you have interest in/ has an interest in you? He's the most dangerous. Almost without fail this translates to "You're great but we are so not happening." If he's a stranger, you can chalk it up to an observational compliment and enjoy it.

Don't think that I'm sharing this because I'm jaded. I'm actually not. But, I have always been surprised when the men who told me these things then moved on to the next best woman {see previous blog}. Yes, it happened more than once.

The first time I was in a committed something, and was completely surprised by the sentiment, but pleased. I tried not to read too much into it, figuring if I clung too tightly it would slip away from me. *sarcastic laugh* Anyway, instead of building up, it just disappeared one day. Not a dwindling away or a falling apart. It just wasn't anymore.fuck
The second time around, I was a more cautious woman, avoiding a commitment altogether. I thought myself to be wiser and more realistic. I loved this guy, but wasn't head over heels like I'd been with Guy 1. I figured I'd play it smart and do my own thing. I was again pleased to hear those words, reminding myself that I'd stumbled before. And, again, it disappeared. I know. It seems inconceivable that the same thing would happen to me twice. The same way! And always, always, ALWAYS for another woman that seemed to crop out of nowhere. {related blog to follow}
While I learned a number of things from these encounters (the least of which is that long distance is not my thang), I've learned to beware words that make my heart feel fuzzy, hugs warmer, and kisses dizzying.



***WARNING*** This does not mean that ANYtime you hear such words from ANY man, he's bullsh!tting you. Hell, he might just be legit.

Step by Step 1 of 2

I watched "Good Luck Chuck" this weekend and loved it. Aside from being one of the more ridiculous funny movies I've seen in a while, it was randomly deep-ish. The movie is pretty much about this guy who is considered a good luck charm because everyone woman he's ever slept with has married the next guy she dates. Of course, the downside for the main character is that he meets a girl that can be the one and blah, blah, blah... watch the movie.
Anyway, there's a part where the main guy really breaks down his position in, well, life.

********Spoiler Alert**********

"My entire life, I've been nothing more than a stepping-stone to every relationship I've ever been in. There's always been a next guy who's better than me. For once in my life, I want to be that next guy."
*************************************************************************************
It occurred to me that I've been a stepping-stone, too. Always that last step to the great girl he can spend forever with. Weird how it was hilarious in the movie and not-so-hilarious in real life. Heck, sometimes I didn't even get to be the previous relationship. I was just the previous... experience. A long-term, nontitled... something.

Then, of course, I wandered to a different line of thought. I wondered which people considered themselves stepping-stones in my life. I certainly haven't leaped on the the step of forever-ness. But which ex or experience or whatever, shifted something in my story that has lead me to where I am now and where I will be.

I guess everything in life really is step by step. Ugh. Where are the rewind and fast forward?

Stop Being Scared

I'm not even sure where to begin so I'll just jump in.
My older sister has cancer. Breast cancer. She was diagnosed less than two years ago, when she was 29 and within the first month after diagnosis she had had a mastectomy. My sister and I, while we love each other, are not close for reason I won't disclose. So it wasn't until after the mastectomy that I even heard about the cancer. That hurt me a lot. But that hurt is not what this is about.
I am a church-hopper. I always have a membership somewhere, but I really enjoy going from one to church to another once I have a home church. I recently started doing repeat visits to a church that's in my general area. I loved the atmosphere in this church, so familial and full of love and simply couldn't resist going back. The sermons stirred me, the music soothed me. I was in love with a church family.
On my first visit to this church I saw a woman. In all honestly, there was nothing outlandishly remarkable about this woman. But maybe it was because I was sitting behind her or Jesus has a special something in mind for me. I felt so drawn to speak to her. I didn't know why I had to speak to her or what I would say. Plus, what if she thought I was crazy or something? No, I couldn't risk that. So I soaked myself into the service and ducked out as quickly as I could. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I had done wrong by not saying something to her aside from "Happy Sabbath." Every time I went back I saw her and the same urge shook me, but I was afraid to be judged and labeled, so I held back and swallowed the ugly feeling of not fulfilling what I knew I should.
Don't you know, I went back (of course, I did) and I felt so pressed to speak to her I could hardly wait for church to be over to have an opportunity to speak with her. I approached her after church and literally told her that I had no idea what to say to her, but that I definitely needed to speak with her. She said she appreciated my speaking and that she was just trying to deal with having breast cancer. So I just told her that my sister also had cancer and just graduated from law school less than two years after treatments and surgery and all. I told her to be encouraged and that I didn't know when I'd see her again, but that she'd be in my prayers every day. She thanked me again, and hugged me. I wished her a good week and left.
I felt so much better and lighter. And I realized that things are always so much better when you just do what God tells you. Moses and Aaron didn't know what words to use, but they were provided for them. Who am I to question God's reasons, to be afraid when He sends me to do His bidding?
So I guess what I'm trying to say is stop being scared. God's already got you.